Where Is God When It Hurts? (1)

By Adeyinka Shittu

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© Zindy S. D. Nielsen

Tears fell from her eyes with the ease of autumn leaves.

In the deathly silence, I could hear her 16 year old heart fracturing and the voice of The Script moaning in my head…

When hearts break, they don’t break even…

“I never believed it would come to this,” she said clutching a tear soaked handkerchief to her chest. “I knew they argued a lot but I thought things were fine when they started hanging out together again. Just when I thought things were fine, they announced the divorce.”

I understood completely. (You know how they say it…been there, done that.) I can say this authoritatively,

When you’re young and your parents separate or divorce, it doesn’t kill you and (this one time Martin Luther King Jnr.), it doesn’t make you stronger. It makes you hate weddings and loathe cute couples. It makes you angry and suspicious and depressed and it makes you cry a lot.

And she cried a lot. She cried ocean tears. She cried her mascara and Jordana eyeliner off while I sat beside her, wordless.

I didn’t tell her everything would be okay or that God is in control. I didn’t do as much as offer her tissue. I just hugged her and let her cry.

I let her sob and shriek and fall to pieces because I’ve come to find that people don’t need words of comfort as much as they need shoulders to cry on.

We talk too much at people in pain. We too easily place the bandage of words on the bullet hole of pain forgetting that when a person is in pain, what they need is medication, not advice or platitudes like ‘it is well’ or ‘God will see us’.

After she had cried her hurt and her eyes were empty, I tied my shoelaces and walked away but her words didn’t walk away from me.

I thought things were fine… it reminded me too much of the time my father walked out on me. (I wrote all about it on Lord Josh’s website. You should read it sometime.)

Isn’t that just the most ironical thing in life? The fact that things are never the way they seem?

A friend of mine who lost his fiancée in a ghastly accident that left him with a lot of broken bones posted to Facebook ‘Life is a bitch’. Just yesterday, the dude whose heart doesn’t beat right (I’m going to call him Chris) said to me ‘Life is not fair but God is good.’

But is God really good? Does a loving God delight in the breaking of homes? If he made the stars and the seas ‘good’, why didn’t he make Chris with a good heart?

I see grief, pain and injustice that is too much to bear at times and I want to scream, “Where are you, God?”

Can’t you see all the hurt and pain? Can’t you see your daughters and sons are hungry, persecuted, enslaved, alone and suffering?

I know there are no easy answers and God is unquestionable but I cannot help wondering….

Where is God when it hurts?

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