Dear Young, Fly, and Saved Christian (A Bubble-buster)

By Adeyinka Shittu

Dear young, fly and Saved Christian,

I’m guessing you became ‘born again’ at that Christian conference held at the stadium when that band your Christian friends stalk on Youtube was singing ‘I Surrender All’ (or was it ‘Oceans’?)

You walked to the front, bowed your head, mumbled after the preacher and walked back to your seat a changed person. You got home, cleared out your porn stash, flushed your weed and read two chapters of the bible. That night you dreamed of angels and heaven.

You didn’t stop there.

Continue reading

5 Nigerian Foods That I Consider Over-hyped

Let me start by sincerely apologising to my non-Nigerian readers for, you shall not understand what is going on here. I just have to do this!
Huge hugs for you guys though…

1. Ponmo

image
Credit: Sisiolobekayn

Need I state the obvious reason behind my feeling of over-hypness of this thing Nigerians treat like gold??? It is just cow hide!
Cow hide!!!
It has no nutritional value nor any value whatsoever other than to be cooked and chewed and chewed and chewed.
God help you if the cooker of your Ponmo did not cook it well, you wee enterit!

Continue reading

Get Out!

image

So the other day, I sat by this girl in class who couldn’t just stay out of my space! I mean, the space was just enough for a voluptuous chocolate beauty like me;););), now imagine having someone literally breathing all over my face, talking in my ears and spreading food all over my body!
image

Aaarrgghh!!!

Why can’t people just man their spaces and not get into someone else’s? Why must you keep touching my arm, stroking my hair and twirling the strap of my handbag between your fingers all because you’re so engrossed in whatever you’re saying and you can’t help but ‘touch something’.
Keep your hands to yourself!

image
Oya, die O!

Continue reading

Colours As I See It

image
Yes, Josh picked a picture where I looked so 2003!:? The only saving grace is it's a fine one:mrgreen:

My awesome crime fiction-writer friend Joshua Olanrewaju, the affable LordJosh, invited me and some other amazingly-gifted persons to write for his #30DaysOfNovember trend last November.
We were asked to write on anything “as we see it”… I wrote on colours. Yup, colours! Believe me when I say I’m still suprised with my choice till today!
I’ll let the piece do the talking…

Life is indeed colouful. We can feel in the pink one day, with our bank balances comfortably in the black, and the grass seemingly no greener on the other side of the fence. Then out of the blue, something tiresome happens that makes us see red, turn ashen white, even purple with rage. Maybe controlling our varying emotions is just ‘colour management’ by another name
-Alex Morritt

What is it about colours? you’d ask; especially since I am the one writing about them (I mean, what lawyer writes about colours, yeah?)

Continue reading

The Idiot And The Gentleman – MyOpinion

image

“Maa pe mi ni gentleman, mii ki n s’ode!” (Don’t call me a gentleman, I’m not an idiot!)
That’s what one of my friends said when a girlfriend of mine asked him to be gentlemanly about a certain occurrence; something that was as simple and trivial as allowing her to step out the door before he does. Did she even have to ask that?!
How did being an ‘ode’ (idiot) enter this matter na? Is wanting to be treated like a queen too much for a girl to ask a guy? I don’t see why any guy should throw a fit over treating a girl like royalty, isn’t that what we are? *RollsEyes*
On a serious note, being a gentleman does not make any guy an idiot; to me, it just shows him as cultured, well behaved, properly groomed and posh. My dictionary (trust me, it’s a very standard one) defines a gentleman as “a man who treats other people in a proper and polite way” or “a man of high social status”. Can you imagine? Being gentlemanly is not limited to the guy’s relations with the girl but with other people too – male or female.
Gentlemanliness is something every guy should crave, well, unless of course, you don’t mind being referred to as crude, improper and graceless. I think every man should aim at taking some conscious steps in behaving ‘properly’ and relating with people ‘aright’. Propriety and decorum shouldn’t be seen as the ‘headache’ of a certain class of people; it is for everyone – male and female inclusive. The ladies are not left out of proper behaviour.
Holding the door for the lady to step out – whether you know her or not, offering to carry the bags when you go out shopping or to push the trolley whilst you do so, ‘sacrificing’ your seat for her in a crowded room where she’s ‘seatless’… Proper greetings when you step in a place and you meet people there, not yelling across someone’s face in a cab all because you want to buy gala from the vendor on the other side of the road… All these don’t make you an ode na, it’s just being proper and cultured. End’a story! Anyone that thinks you’re an ode for holding the door for the lady to step through needs to get checked, really. 
I love being treated like a lady! I love it and I’m not sure I’ve met a girl who doesn’t. When I come across a crude and uncouth guy… or girl, I get very irritated and put off so much so that such a person would have to go the extra mile in altering that impression they’ve created – and I don’t think that applies to only me. In every lady lies that little girl that wants to be treated like a princess and in every man is the king that wants to be revered; apply this principle to your relationships and thank me later. *Grins*
The bottom-line of all of these is proper behaviour; and proper behaviour is relative anyway. Ehn, you want me to start defining what proper behaviour is? That is your assignment. Go’an find out, apply it and tell me the results when next we see!
The gentleman and the idiot? C’mon man, they’re at opposite ends!

image

Photo Credit: Pinterest; boardofwisdom.com