Getting Queen To Write Again

Hey guys! So I got this mail yesterday and I thought to share. You can laugh along (as I did) or side the sender 😑

Dear Queen Oset’s Blog readers,

I believe I’m not the only one who has noticed that the last time Queen Oset published anything she wrote herself was Easter Sunday (or so).

I like Queen’s writing for the same reason I like Shoprite bread (even though she dissed the bread in one of her blog posts).  It’s rich, full and incredibly satisfying like jollof rice; which she claims is overrated. (Come to think of it, somebody who beefs Shoprite bread and Jollof rice has deep,  dark secrets. Queen what are you hiding?)

Although Sharon Olanrewaju and Adeyinka Shittu are doing a good job of filling the space, I’m a bit tired of Sharon’s long articles and Adeyinka’s hyper-spiritual stories.  (No hard feelings people). What I need is a Queen-story or a Queen-rant.

Can someone explain? What happened to our Queen? Is she lying in a hospital bed in vegetative state? In that case, can I have her address so I can send her flowers? (You can’t blame my imagination for wanting an explanation).

Or can the Queen herself answer us?

Yours sincerely,
Concerned and depressed and will-soon-commit-suicide-if Queen-doesnt-reply fan.

What To Do When You’re Broke On Faith

By Adeyinka Shittu

We’ll keep on falling down unless we fall in Love,” I tell him while it rains cats and dogs outside. (We’re in our room watching ‘The Hobbit’)

He (the young, fly, saved Christian) responds with laughter from the core of his being. His laughter is a mixture of water-walking faith and crippling fear that shakes the bed we’re laying on to its joints.

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“…And That’s How I Would Have Committed Suicide”

By Sharon Olanrewaju

You know, often times when I hear or read people give testimonies like:
“I was depressed and tired of life, I wanted to commit suicide. No one cared about me, I was an insignificant part of everyone’s life. Even my family never cared for me. The day I decided I was going to put an end to it all, an end to my life, I was walking down the road and saw this lady who smiled at me. I was so surprised I wasn’t even sure if I was supposed to smile back. I felt so special, at least one person noticed me and gave me a smile; that smile changed my life and because of that I decided against commiting suicide”

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We Have Forgotten

By Sharon Olanrewaju

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This is a piece I wrote for the stage sometime ago… I think it’s just apt for this ‘season’…
So, here we go:

I’m on this stage to talk about you and I ‘cos often times, when on questionnaires or online or through some other means, we are asked to indicate our identity and we tick Nigeria, I wonder what exactly that means
I mean for a French man,he believes he is the custodian of civilization
For a German, he believes he is the epitome of knowledge and,
For an American, strength in diversity.
So for a Nigerian, what exactly?
I cower to say what’s on my mind,
What my Nation has come to represent on the sand of time…
Pain, poverty, pain and, more pain.

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Dear Future Husband

By Sharon Olanrewaju

Dear Future Husband,
I hope you are fine, because I am not. 👿 I am so not in a good mood and this is not one of those mushy mushy letters girls write to you. Perhaps, I’m supposed to apologize for allowing my first letter to you be borne out of a really bad mood, but I can’t feign it; see, I’m really angry.

It’s Josh! He has really hurt me. Today,He told me he likes another girl. He told me he is sorry he egged me on and he never meant it to be this way… (okay…okay… you don’t know Josh,pardon me)

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Dear Young, Fly, and Saved Christian (A Bubble-buster)

By Adeyinka Shittu

Dear young, fly and Saved Christian,

I’m guessing you became ‘born again’ at that Christian conference held at the stadium when that band your Christian friends stalk on Youtube was singing ‘I Surrender All’ (or was it ‘Oceans’?)

You walked to the front, bowed your head, mumbled after the preacher and walked back to your seat a changed person. You got home, cleared out your porn stash, flushed your weed and read two chapters of the bible. That night you dreamed of angels and heaven.

You didn’t stop there.

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